a lifechanging moment, 365 joyous days ago

this past weekend marks the one year anniversary of when i found out i was pregnant. i can still remember that morning as it was yesterday... what a joyous moment. but more than that, how God's timing is ALWAYS PERFECT.

and i think that is the biggest thing i have learned being pregnant with colton. december of 2010 was filled with many dark, sorrow-filled days and many joyful, incredible days. getting pregnant of course as one of those joyful days.

God knew that december 18 would be the perfect day for me to take a test and find that it was "+". what immense joy i felt that morning. and even more as i gave joseph his first christmas gift last year letting him know that he was going to be the best daddy in less than nine months.

he also knew the day before i realized i was pregnant would be a perfect day to accept a new job that would later allow me to work part-time at home with mr. colton and come in whenever i want. he knew that august 25th would be the day that colton would enter the world. he also knew that colton would be born during one of the most trialing times of my life. he knew that only a few weeks later, i would realize that everything happens for MY GOOD in HIS TIMING and fill my heart with more joy than i could ever imagine.

all in all...i am blessed. and during this christmas time, i really am filled with so much joy. i am blessed with the cutest four month old who is just the best and happiest baby around and who has changed my life in ways i never thought possible. and who has me wrapped around his little finger.. i am even more blessed with an amazing husband who loves his son more than anything. watching him grow as a daddy has brought tears to my eyes and a heart full of joy as i look forward to many more years of child-rearing and bearing.

i wouldn't change God's perfect plan for anything over the past year. colton is more perfect than i imagined 365, lifechanging, joyful days ago.

Proverbs 19:6
The heart of man plans his way,
   but the LORD establishes his steps.

i mean, seriously? who would have thought my kid would be this adorable... 

Top 10 Things I am excited for...

10. being able to get off the couch without extra effort

9. having my body back to normal (or somewhat back)

8. not having hands and feet twice it's normal size

7. sleeping or laying on my stomach

6. not feeling nauseous

5. seeing my toes while i stand

4. lose the weight and the challenge it will face (sick, i know)

3. running!!!

2. finding out if it is a boy or girl and the NAME!
1. actually holding my child/being a mom to the greatest kid ever created

there are a ton more, of course. good and bad. i will miss being pregnant. i know, even though i had a pretty rough pregnancy - i am going to miss all the fun moments with me and the baby. yes, there will better to come, but it is unlike anything.

excited for this little kiddo. few more days!

final stretch. and some major changes.

here we are, the final stretch of this pregnancy...

i know - i have neglected the blog world lately. my life has been insane. work has been very demanding. getting ready for a baby is more work than i ever imagined. i sleep like it is my second job. and well, i haven't had much to say lately.

however, here we are. on the verge of becoming parents to a little baby. scary? yes. exciting? yes. nervous? a bit. but, i am trusting in the Lord. i can't believe we will be a family of three in a few short weeks...

and yes, being pregnant brings many different emotions. one moment i am so happy and the next, i am full of tears. i don't know if it is just life decisions being made or just the final weeks of pregnancy, but these days have been pretty rough. when i was making life decisions by myself, i thought it was the hardest thing. but now add another person, and soon, three...

we have all made some pretty tough decisions in our lives that can impact not only our lives but the lives of others - and let me tell you... i have shed thousands of tears from it. you know when you are so deeply involved in something and your life is so impacted by it that the thought of doing something different almost brings anxiety? it is like i am scared of change. scared of the future. unsure what the Lord has planned. and while i am trying my hardest to trust Him and continue to ask for peace... my heart is still so burdened.

so here am i today. heavy-hearted. and after spending some quality, tearful moments with the Lord this morning the fact is, i am still not at full peace about it. and when you are making a decision with someone else in mind, and now two, it is even makes this whole situation that much harder.

so i continue to mediated on His Word. psalm 27:7 one of my favorite verses: Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him... so i do wait. and i wait patiently. i know He will show and give me the peace that surpasses all understanding at the right time.

movement

what a special moment that is when you feel the first kick or punch of your unborn child. honestly, it blew me away. and it brought so much joy after such a hard first 20 weeks. it happened one morning lying in bed and i felt a small little punch on my side, brought a smile and tear to my eye.

i can't wait to meet this little one. and it has been a joy to feel i move more and more over the past few weeks. sometimes at 3am but i am grateful it is active.

love being pregnant these days.

Baby Snare. 8.28.11

sorry blogging world - i have neglected you yet again. i have wanted to blog and tell you all about my growing tummy and extra weight that i have gained, but feeling awful 24/7 for the past 10 weeks had my focus on my daily tasks and trying not to throw up.

okay, i'll say it, i thoroughly did not enjoy my first trimester. i would say, hate, but that is harsh- and I am in LOVE with my little lamb already.

if i had to sum up the past 10 weeks in one word, i would say, "tough." i have endured a lot in my short little 24-25 years of life. i have trained and ran 3 full marathons, numerous half marathons, trekked through a semester with 21 credit hours in college with two jobs, dealt with a loss of a brother, and many, many other things.

however, this pregnancy probably makes it in the top 5 toughest things i ever had to endure. not only was i waking up to awful nausea and gagging (and still am), and then eventually, vomit - but my "morning sickness" was "all-day sickness." at first, i dealt with it, got on some medication and went on with life. but as the weeks went on and days would end in tears, i eventually told myself i couldn't do it.

phew, finally week 13. prior to this week, i was told i was going to get better. but, of course, i didn't. it got worse. it was clock work. everyday at noon, i was throwing up whatever i ate. and to make matters worse, i work 40+ hours a week, so i didn't have the comfort of my home to "do my thang." nah, my co-workers have experienced and heard my vomit as much as i have. ;)sorry, guys.

and to make things even tougher, i find out that three other girls i know are due right around me and their first trimester was a breeze. another word: depressed.

i wasn't angry with God but i was frustrated. i didn't understand why i had to go through such a terrible first trimester, and part of my second while no one else was. why only me?

but after much prayer and thinking, i realized that i forgot i was carrying a baby, a human being, being formed with our CREATOR's hands. i realized that there are hundreds of women that can't even get pregnant and spend hours crying because they want the opportunity to be a mommy. i realized that God puts us through situations to grow and test our faith. i realized that one day, i will be able to encourage a woman in my life when she is dealing with a very difficult pregnancy. i realized that in six short months, i will have my first child in my arms and nothing that i went through will matter, nothing. i realized a lot. and i felt convicted.

so here i am, almost 16 weeks with my next doctors appointment on monday to see my little lamb and let me say, i couldn't be more excited. i am finally feeling better. this week has been a huge encouragement. i am still nauseous but haven't thrown up in a few days. (sigh of relief.)

thanks for all the prayers for those who have been praying for me and little snare. i feel it. and praise to my Lord who has given me the opportunity to carry a child that in a short 25 weeks, i will be holding and calling my own.

i can't wait share this journey with you over the next 24-25 weeks. i am sure there will be a lot of joys and a lot of discouragements, but i am glad i can share each week with those who love me.

as a start, here is the first picture and heartbeat pattern of little snare at seven weeks. yes the peanut looking thing in the center is the baby. ;)

For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works my soul knows it very well. psalm 139:13-14