Baby Snare. 8.28.11

sorry blogging world - i have neglected you yet again. i have wanted to blog and tell you all about my growing tummy and extra weight that i have gained, but feeling awful 24/7 for the past 10 weeks had my focus on my daily tasks and trying not to throw up.

okay, i'll say it, i thoroughly did not enjoy my first trimester. i would say, hate, but that is harsh- and I am in LOVE with my little lamb already.

if i had to sum up the past 10 weeks in one word, i would say, "tough." i have endured a lot in my short little 24-25 years of life. i have trained and ran 3 full marathons, numerous half marathons, trekked through a semester with 21 credit hours in college with two jobs, dealt with a loss of a brother, and many, many other things.

however, this pregnancy probably makes it in the top 5 toughest things i ever had to endure. not only was i waking up to awful nausea and gagging (and still am), and then eventually, vomit - but my "morning sickness" was "all-day sickness." at first, i dealt with it, got on some medication and went on with life. but as the weeks went on and days would end in tears, i eventually told myself i couldn't do it.

phew, finally week 13. prior to this week, i was told i was going to get better. but, of course, i didn't. it got worse. it was clock work. everyday at noon, i was throwing up whatever i ate. and to make matters worse, i work 40+ hours a week, so i didn't have the comfort of my home to "do my thang." nah, my co-workers have experienced and heard my vomit as much as i have. ;)sorry, guys.

and to make things even tougher, i find out that three other girls i know are due right around me and their first trimester was a breeze. another word: depressed.

i wasn't angry with God but i was frustrated. i didn't understand why i had to go through such a terrible first trimester, and part of my second while no one else was. why only me?

but after much prayer and thinking, i realized that i forgot i was carrying a baby, a human being, being formed with our CREATOR's hands. i realized that there are hundreds of women that can't even get pregnant and spend hours crying because they want the opportunity to be a mommy. i realized that God puts us through situations to grow and test our faith. i realized that one day, i will be able to encourage a woman in my life when she is dealing with a very difficult pregnancy. i realized that in six short months, i will have my first child in my arms and nothing that i went through will matter, nothing. i realized a lot. and i felt convicted.

so here i am, almost 16 weeks with my next doctors appointment on monday to see my little lamb and let me say, i couldn't be more excited. i am finally feeling better. this week has been a huge encouragement. i am still nauseous but haven't thrown up in a few days. (sigh of relief.)

thanks for all the prayers for those who have been praying for me and little snare. i feel it. and praise to my Lord who has given me the opportunity to carry a child that in a short 25 weeks, i will be holding and calling my own.

i can't wait share this journey with you over the next 24-25 weeks. i am sure there will be a lot of joys and a lot of discouragements, but i am glad i can share each week with those who love me.

as a start, here is the first picture and heartbeat pattern of little snare at seven weeks. yes the peanut looking thing in the center is the baby. ;)

For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works my soul knows it very well. psalm 139:13-14

Discipline

I am currently in Bible Study Fellowship every Monday night. We just finished chapter 10 in Isaiah - and wow, these lessons have been tough but sooo good. I want to write a brief sentence or two every Tuesday from now on to share what I have learned... so, here we go.

This past week we learned about God's discipline. We read through Isaiah 10 where God shares that he will use the Assyrians to destroy Judah/Israel (His People) because of their disobedience and ungodliness. However, God will not permit this destruction beyond His purpose - thus, leaving a remnant. PTL! However, through all of this, one of the principles we learned stood out to me the most: That God controls those He uses as tools of discipline for His people and that he disciplines those He Loves.


So, I thought . . . where is God disciplining me in my life? But before I go any further, I had to understand the difference between discipline and punishment because I think they so often get confused so I want to explain it: Discipline is training for the future. So discipline in your Bible study, prayer time, time management, etc. Punishment is pain over something we have done wrongly in the past. Choose to Sin, Choose to suffer.

So, thinking of where God is "disciplining" me right now, a few things came to mind...

Unfortunately, they are things I cannot share, too personal for the whole world to read, but let me tell you, it has been hard . . . and painful. However, I was so encouraged last night listening to the lecture as she said, "God will use anything to discipline, but HE KNOWS MY THRESHOLD." No enemy can come further than God allows. Amen!

But, I was convicted on my prayers. I feel like I keep asking God to answer my prayers, give me my desires, wants, needs - and while God does this, I think I am forgetting the point. Yes, God will answer my prayers, but in HIS TIME and in HIS WILL. That it might not be the time to overcome this just yet, or maybe never. -- and let me tell you, that is hard to say in this circumstance, but maybe I need to ask God WHAT should I be learning in this? or How am I suppose to be changing? He is teaching/showing me something and I need to come to that understanding before I receive...

So, Lord show me what I should be learning through these circumstances. Maybe there is an area in your life that has been hard to endure and painful - ever think God is disciplining you for the future? Teaching you something to overcome something for the future?

Glad God is in control - I know he is doing this for my good and for your good. I can't tell you the amount of peace the Lord has given me to endure these circumstances lately. I know He has a plan, and so I wait patiently on the Lord.